


Just Underneath

by unfortunatecircumstance



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), F/F, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Protective Lena Luthor, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22216486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfortunatecircumstance/pseuds/unfortunatecircumstance
Summary: The Crisis is ongoing and Kara is tired. Argo is gone. Her mother is gone, again. But they need Supergirl, and Supergirl does not bend, or break, and mourning can always wait until the danger is over. Except it can't. Who will pick up the pieces of this broken hero?(Her friends, family, and a certain raven-haired soulmate. They'll get through this.)
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 29
Kudos: 270





	1. Chapter 1

The pain is always there, simmering underneath and waiting to be known. But there is a Crisis to be dealt with and Lena is nothing if not professional in the face of death. It doesn't mean she forgives the Danver's, even if their collaboration is slowly chipping away at her icy exterior. Because it's not. It can't be. 

Lena stays late one night at the DEO and no one dares to stop her. She has built her reputation back up brick by brick and distances herself from everyone around her. That's what she wants. Alex leaves her with a sad but hopeful goodbye and a reminder to get some sleep. Lena doesn't respond. She works and experiments until her eyes cross and her feet ache because she hates the lies and deceit but she would never forgive herself if anyone, if ~~Kara~~ Supergirl, got hurt because she didn't work fast enough.

She's off to get herself as much coffee as will fit in her mug when she hears it. An echoing, heart-wrenching sob that fills her bones and reveals more loss than anyone should have to endure. It's muffled through the stone walls but unmistakable as ever. She knows in an instant who it is, and ever present rage tells her to walk any, tells her it's not her job to care or comfort the one who lied to her for _years._ But as she's reasoning with the rage, she finds herself in front of the door that unspeakable pain is emanating from, although the sobs have dwindled down to sniffling. Mug forgotten on the floor, she cracks the door ajar and is met with the sight of ~~Kara~~ Supergirl, sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest, cape curled around her protectively. A holographic woman Lena vaguely recognizes as her mother stares blankly down at her daughter's crumpled form. 

"A pity party?" The rage speaks before Lena can gather her thoughts and shame fills her being immediately. Though liar she may be, Lena knows what she's lost. An apology is on the tip of her tongue but gets caught when Kara startles. Supergirl doesn't startle. She's a hero, made of steel and bravery. Except a little part of her reminds Lena of when she finally realized she lost Lex for good. Big brother Lex, replaced with the ramblings of a mad man and genius corrupted by insanity. She remembers the numbness, the empty, how she could look out the window and be unable to tell for certain whether or not the sun was out.

Kara appears not to have heard her earlier statement, something Lena will be forever grateful for. But when Kara turns her head to face her, Lena knows in an instant the anger will not sustain. Kara's eyes are bloodshot red, tears still drying on her cheeks. The collar of her suit is dark with tears, and her face is slack and empty. That all vanishes the instant she recognizes it's Lena. A hollow smile graces Kara's features and her hands attempt to inconspicuously dry her tears. It doesn't work. 

"Lena! I didn't think anyone would still be here. Working nights again?" Kara's voice is hoarse and Lena can see through any semblance of a facade in a heartbeat. Kara stands on shaky legs and goes to turn off the hologram, beside where Lena is still standing. Astra vanishes, leaving them in the dimly lit room, alone. Up close, Lena sees firsthand how absolutely destroyed Kara is. She is hunched though the weight of the world is on her shoulders, and sways slightly with exhaustion. Still, she maintains a respectful distance, hands twisting nervously about herself. 

They stand in silence for a moment, and Lena can't help herself. She reaches forward and catches Kara in a bone-crushing hug, hands sliding around her neck with a familiarity that Lena takes comfort in. The moment they make contact, Kara gasps softly, and takes only a second to reciprocate. Kara whispers "I'm sorry" and Lena can feel her eyes welling up. But this is not her time. This is not her loss, and now is not the time for her pain. 

"You never needed to be." 

And the dam breaks open once again. Kara collapses, sobbing, and Lena gently guides them to the floor, arms straining to hold as much of Kara together as she can. She is curled wholly into Lena, absolute devastation on display, as well as trust that had never once wavered. Lena simply holds her, her hand rubbing circles on Kara's back, and waits. 

Some time later, Kara is fast asleep in her arms, and Lena knows with absolute certainty, whatever happens. She will never leave Kara's side again. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's POV now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to continue this as I left them in the middle of Crisis and I could probably do something with that idk. Anyways are y'all fine with if I...scrap nearly everything from Crisis? please and thank you.

When Kara wakes, it's to stillness and soft breathing. She shifts against the cold concrete digging into her hipbone, registering warmth under her head, and a gentle palm resting on her forehead. It's the first time in weeks she's known peace, and she closes her eyes again, just for a moment, and tries to commit this feeling to memory. All too soon, she remembers reality once again.

As much as she tries to suppress it, the cold invades her heart with an unyielding strength. It's a heavy, devastating force, that quite nearly renders her motionless, lest she make herself known to it again. She's had practice, though, in mourning the death of her world, her family, her very soul, in the matter of minutes. Taking a shuddering breath, she lifts a hand to wipe away tears long dried on her cheeks. When the warmth under her head shifts in response, however, the events of the previous night come rushing back. Kara shoots into a sitting position, eyes wide.

"Lena!", she means to exclaim, but her voice is hoarse from disuse and it comes out as more of a croak. The woman in question is slouched against the wall of the hologram room, suit rumpled and hair slightly mussed. Lena winces as she attempts to push herself into a proper sitting position, and Kara can't help the guilt that joins the muted sadness within her. "Sorry about last night, I didn't mean to y'know, put all that on you. Or sleep with-I mean on, I didn't mean to sleep on you. Are you okay? I mean of course not, you slept sitting up all night, I'm sorry." Kara rushes out, because she can't yet find the words to convey her regret, or her sorrow, to the woman sitting in front her.

Lena, meanwhile, is blinking blearily back at her, but quickly schools her face into an expression she can't quite recognize. "I'm alright", is all Kara gets in return, as if Lena isn't sure where they stand anymore, either. What else would she say to a woman she swore to hate, but allowed to sob and then proceed to pass out on her? A far-off chime sounds, breaking her from her reverie, and a quick look at Lena reveals that only Kara had heard. "I have to get to a meeting", Kara starts quietly, hesitant to break the delicate peace that seems to have formed between the two of them. She sticks a hand out to shake, desperate not to overstep any boundaries. She isn't sure she could cope with herself if Lena refused. 

Luckily, Lena takes her hand, and Kara attempts with everything she has to convey her immeasurable thanks to her former friend. Despite the emptiness within her, she feels lighter than she has in ages. She also appreciates that they both ignore the tremble running through Kara's hand as she retracts it. 

Kara leaves the room and takes only a moment to collect herself, combing her hair through with her fingers and making sure no remnants of tears remain on her face. Then she's off to save the world again, pain securely to the back of her mind and plastic smile firmly in place, but heart just a little lighter than it had been before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this WAS more of a filler while i figure out where I wanna take this cause i sorta continued this on a whim. It's also gonna go a bit into Kara's mental health and stuff because i do NOT believe that she watched her family die AGAIN and a couple eps later she's just vibin again? 
> 
> edit: suddenly struck by inspiration so im coming back to this, i havent dropped off the face of the earth (woohoo!) will hopefully update within the week. #letkaramourn2k20!!  
> Also, edited tags.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what if i just...messed around with the timeline of crisis? haha jk...unless?  
> (yea i definitely am)

It's hard not to feel grimy after a night on the DEO's cement floors in full superhero garb, so Kara flies home for a quick shower before dealing with the end of the world, again. It really shouldn't have been hard, but everything seemed to remind her of what had been a second chance with her family. A photo of her and Alura, grinning delightedly into the camera, a gemstone that she'd received the last time she'd visited Argo.

She steps into the shower and scrubs with perfunctory efficiency, resisting the urge to curl up under the warm spray and just _stop._ But she couldn't save Argo, and she'd be damned if anyone else got hurt because she needed to process her _feelings._

Supergirl is made of steel and bravery.

By the time she gets back to the DEO, the ground is shaking and the sky is a stifling hazy red. The foreboding spires, though supposedly helpful, do little for morale. The morning is a blur of reassuring citizens and growing accustomed to the plethora of superheroes now wandering the base. She won't deny looking specifically for a flash of raven hair amidst the chaos, but doesn't have time to think about the relief that courses through her veins when she hears that Lena is safe and sound in the lab with Alex, developing a way to evacuate citizens.

It seems to be going as well as their yearly disasters tend to go, and she dares to think, just for a second, that everything might be okay.

Supergirl is made of hope and compassion.

The afternoon tells a drastically different story, however. She's being pulled every which way, everywhere she turns is an equally panicked ally or the guttural howl of a wraith, arms outstretched as if welcoming her to the end. There just isn't enough time, and she's aboard the Waverider and struck with the news that she's the paragon of hope at the same moment it sinks in that her world is gone. She's a "being of the purest will", but Alex is gone. Clark and Lois smile at each other, Jonathan gurgling in between them, but Lena has been wiped from existence. The duality of her life makes her wants to laugh. Or cry.

If only she'd been faster. If only she'd been better. They'd saved her so many times before, how could the Girl of Steel not even protect her own family? 

"So who wants to meet Batman?"

And they're off again, kicking down doors and threatening creepy old men because it's worth it in the end if they defeat the Anti-Moniter. It _has_ to be worth it. Being a paragon has to mean _something._

But the bloodied glasses displayed proudly in Bruce Wayne's living room tell a different story. It's not even her loss, but it reminds her of everyone she'd left behind to play hero across the universe. What had she done to become a paragon? It wasn't fair that she could traipse across timelines, while Lena, who had saved billions of people, disappeared without ever knowing how much Kara lo- valued their friendship. Alex, Kelly, all her friends, the bravest and kindest people she'd ever met, lost to anti-matter because innocent civilians had always meant more to them than their own lives. _Why do I get to stay?_

It's with this train of thought that she finds herself reaching for the Book of Destiny. _I can't do this without them. They deserve to be here just as much as I do._

Kate stops her in her tracks, every bit the paragon of courage she'd turned out to be. It's fitting, really. Kate is grit and bone, convinces her to put duty over chance, and the utter helplessness that sets in has her casting one last wistful glance at the book before storming off.

She thinks back to the moment she saw Argo vanish into nothingness, her culture gone for the second time. The brief, all-consuming despair, quickly overrun by the need to convince Kate to help them, the need to comfort Kal-El, though his loss was of a home he had never truly known, she can't help but think with a little bit of spite. The paragon of hope, she jeers at herself. How can she be what she no longer possesses?

It's several hours later, alone in her makeshift room, amidst the distant humming of the Waverider, that she realizes she has nothing left.

Supergirl is the paragon of hope.

Supergirl will try to save the multiverse.

Kara Zor-El sobs until exhaustion fills the hollow that loss has carved into her bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear this unbearable angst won't last forever, kara will get through this! people are here for her!! Lena will play a bigger role in coming chapters, she just has to...exist again first.
> 
> also there's no way Kara doesn't have survivors guilt at this point what the heck.
> 
> completely unrelated: getting my wisdom teeth removed this week and a little bit terrified. anyone got any advice for me please and thanks

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first fanfic I've ever written so please be kind! Also please tell me if there's any mistakes, or tags i should add/take out. Thanks for reading!


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